Fourteen pages? Kav, you are a drawing machine! Ok, here's a page-by-page. -josh
I'm a drawing terminator
Max is looking great. Nice opening page.
Hourglass is looking appropriately sexy and intriguing. Though, I notice that it seems to be night time outside Anne Marie's window. It should be mid-morning.
Panel 2 is fantastic. The rest are quite good as well. In panel 4, however, the placement of Kinetic's bag makes it seem like he is a fatso.
Good catch on the fatso--I fixed.
The high-angle shot seems to steal the drama from this introduction. The dialogue will make it clear what is happening, but the staging of this panel looks very casual. -josh
Since its a splash and a rooftop scene that pretty much called for an overhead shot-lets hope the dialogue can carry the art on this one. also I can do an inset panel upper left showing a stern hourglass facing over shoulder kinetic.... -kav
I love the idea of the insert panel to add that drama, but this insert is not the one for it. We need more of Kinetic's reaction... or what he is reacting to to. He has just gotten off work and is about to head out and do some hero stuff, but he finds a hot babe in a hero costume. We need to experience that surprise. Either by seeing his reaction to it, or by really getting a load of what he is reacting to.
Ok, here's a revision showing K's reaction-I left HG out cause I wanted a larger shot of K to focus on his reaction:
Great body-language on this page. I think I like her power effect as well. She is going to be using this several times through-out this story, so maybe it should not be so invasive. Can you think of ways to use something like this, but tone it down so that it can be used in a variety of situations?
Yes, I almost got rid of the Steranko effect, it was so intrusive--I'll find a way. -kav
I like the effect. Keep it intrusive. It's cool that way.
More great body language. I worry that these talky pages might get boring, but you keep them moving along. Thanks. -josh
that's my job -kav
Max on the street. Love it.
Max shootin' kids with tattoo bullets! Awesome.
Panel 1, the body language of the kid with no arm is not strong enough. Same for the reactions of the guys around him. They need to be visibly freaking out in order to make Max's icy response stand out. Panel 3, especially. This kid got his pistol training from Grand Theft Auto and Die Hard movies. Plus, his guys are getting blown away around him. Again, his reaction has to be a total freak-out so that Max seems scarier. Panel 7 nails his murderous calm. -josh
I took that blown off arm from real life experience-when i blew my hands apart in the street when I was 15 I pretty much looked confused and was not gesticulating wildly or anything-my brother and friends nearby also just stood there. The screaming came later. but I can change if ya want. -kav
Love that new shooting pose.
so you still want me to change panel 1? or leave the real kav scenario?
This page is great, it really shows Max over-powering a kid. What a jerk. Panel 5 seems to be staged wrong, though. Maybe the wall is too straight. Or maybe it's something else. It just needs to be more extreme. Show this kid facing down a killer, knowing that his life is about to end. Show that terrifying power imbalance. Then that sudden calm of the last panel is similarly chilling. Make sure he keeps that new tattoo until we give him a reason to move it.
Love the new panel!
Back on the roof. We need to use the rain sparingly. It could become another full-moon thing. I really like the look of it in this issue, though. It has the look of a light rain, not a storm.
Uh oh, still pretty talky. But the staging and body language seem to be keeping it interesting. Nice. This is where the story starts to kick into gear. Not just this issue and this arc, but Kinetic's whole hero career.
This is a really nice page. I like the nice, casual, ball game interrupted by a call from Max. Be sure to keep that new tattoo on his head.
Sidekick's hair looks wrong here. First, it should go from the center of his hairline all the way back to the base of his neck -josh
you are talking last panel right? -kav
That looks much better. The earlier version of that panel looked more like he was bald and standing in front of a broom. Same with panel 3. Also, any time he is shown from the side, we should see the hawk coming all the way to the back of the head.
if ya can post a pic of your mohawk of choice that would help. I also hated the broomstick panel but for some reason let it slide. Thats what you are for. ps i'll adjust panel 3.