Looks nice, but the tone is slightly off. You winnowed my 7 panels down to three. In general, I applaud that initiative. In this case, though, something was lost. Do we need seven panels to get it back? No. We just need to know what it is that was lost, so we can put it back in. In most of Max's prior appearances, he has been in places that suit a villain or a killer. Bars, alleys, fights, street corners, etc. But this should feel different. This is a predator walking the sleepy streets of a quiet neighborhood. He is an invasive species. So, the street as you have it above looks a little too urban, not friendly enough. Take a look at this street...
You can see the address there in the image, so you can look around for better angles and stuff. That is the feel I am looking for. Plus, all those trees will provide great shadows in which dark visitors can lurk.
That is the street. Now, Max looks... He looks like a guy out for a walk. He needs to look like a lurking menace that has entered this peaceful setting. He is the shark fin at the beach. To that end, his gait is a little too dynamic and purposeful. Maybe he should even do that thing where he barely walks at all, but just appears.
And then he checks his device and prepares.
Ok, these are the emotions that our readers should go through on this page: -Oh, what a nice street. -Peaceful night. -Why is this peaceful street in this comic book? -Here's why! Some creep! -Maxwell Murder! Oh No! and then seeing him use the info from the phone makes them realize that he isn't here simply to hideout, he is there for a specific purpose. And with Max, those purposes are always bad! Then when he chooses a house to enter... it should be a sense of dread! What is this awful man here to do?
no dude thats just a slice of the page-a prevu-the rest of the panels are intact. but it sounds like you want me to redraw the whole thing. that's a great shot but too blurry to draw-what about
Yeah, I guess I do want a re-draw. It is because the mood of this scene is So important. I wish I had been more clear about that in the script. Again, though, that it is what is so thrilling about this learning process. That street you posted looks just a little too wide. It is obviously well outside of an urban setting. If, however, you simply ignore a few feet in the middle... I think it should work. -Josh
actually the rest of the page seems to follow your recommendations-i think i only have to redraw 2 panels
this one actually looks better: