Kav put these new pages in dropbox a few days ago.
Page 15. This page looks pretty good. I really like the drizzly rain. I also like Max's mysterious arrival. He did that in a previous issue with Andrew. I like that it isn't really a power, but just a thing that he does. I am not sure if Max should still have the flames around that new tattoo... I guess he should. Because if there are no flames, it looks like a mole or something.
I can add flames-but the reader knows its not a mole right?
They might think it is a mole, or worse, they might think it is an actual bullet hole in his head and completely misunderstand his already-vague powers! I think he needs to keep the flames. But I also think it would be cool if we see the flames gradually spread over his eye brows. Just a thought. -Josh
Page 16. Looking great. I especially like Max is panel 3. He looks so casual about making this threat, that's pretty creepy. Side's reaction is great. The last panel looks good, but it looks odd with the rain missing. To keep it kind of isolated like that, may just show streaks of rain across where the figures actually are.
Holy S*** I cant believe I forgot the rain! will fix.
Page 17. Another great page. I like how Side's shirt makes it look like HE is injured. Panel 5 is great, looks desolate. In fact, all of these panels are great.
yes I followed the script carefully about misleading the reader about SK being injured. You may notice I also deleted the scripted bystanders for the desolate look-bystanders just didnt feel right
Good call. I like it. -Josh
Page 18. Sidekick shot in the head... AWESOME! Panel 3, I get, but I wrote it. It looks like Max is possibly being held there..rather than being knocked and sent flying. Panel 3 needs to show very clearly that Max is KNOCKED clear of the scene. Otherwise, the relief in panel 4 seems unearned. Panel 6 seems a little off somehow. . I'll need to check the script more closely, but it looks almost like they are watching Max leave. -Josh
How about this:
The SK shot in head is a redo-the original panel sucked. Panel 6 they are still in shock looking towards where max flew off panel 7 she raises herself to get a better look.
Her pose still seems a little weak. When Max threatened to kill Flamethrower. and Sidekick starts to laugh it off... it isn't because he knows himself to be invulnerable. No, it's because he knows what happens to suckers who cross Flamethrower. There is nothing dainty, soft, or nice about her. Not in a fight, anyway. For her, look more to athletes than models. A lot of her poses and stance you could take from boxers. Or, as she is batting Max away, volleyball players
I am still not sure about panel 6. Leave it for now. I'll have to read it through a bit and see if I can figure out what is making it seem off to me. -Josh
Page 19. Great page. I love Hourglass looking mysterious in the last panel. Also, nice shading on Justin in panel 5.
yeah its a new trick I came up with in my study period when I was going thru drawing issues-will be using more of this technique.
Page 20. Some great acting from Hourglass. Nice work here. -Josh
Glad you like it-will start working on corrections as per. I see HG as dramatic but reserved, if that makes sense.
ps dude for the panel w her HG sniff coke then head rocks back:
Also dude I'm wondering what happened with the thugs kinetic chased-he couldn't have just subdued and restrained them for the cops because the cops wouldn't be able to charge them with anything-the elements of a crime are not present-so kinetic probably beat them for a lesson and maybe he should say something about that so the reader doesn't wonder. Unlike most comics we're not doing the 'leave them for the cops'. Imagine you are a cop and you show up and some dude is tied up and a block away is a car with drugs...wtf can you do about it but let the guy loose and be baffled? I hate this about most comics....
I am liking your take on Hourglass quite a bit. Mysterious and reserved... perfect. So imagine how shocked the reader will be when she kills a guy in a ditch and snorts a fistful of coke. That image is perfect.
What happens to the guys that Kinetic chases off? Exactly what you would think. He scares them, maybe punches them or something, and they all scatter in different directions. If I can think of a way to clear that up with a line or two, I will drop it in. -Josh