Open Studio 7/6/2012 more pages

What is the Open Studio?

Kav has just posted the final four pages for Rapid City #5.

Page 21. Way to be classy in that first panel. A less classy artist would have shown that pose from a more salacious angle.

I just noticed that Hourglass takes off her cape while at Justin's place, another classy move. I like this page quite a bit. I am getting worried, though, because I know I have crammed so much dialogue in these already cramped panels. Sorry about that. That is part of what I am doing this to learn. So, now I know! The upside is that you are showing the feeling of that room so well that I bet I will be able to trim a lot of that jibber-jabber and still maintain clarity.

-josh

Yeah get rid of some of that jibber-jabberwocky dude.  And I need to stop having the images so close to the top of the panel to leave room for the balloons-I want to jam so much in that its hard for me to leave space-forcing balloons down to lower parts of panel.

-kav

Page 22. Another great page. I hope it looks and feels clear to outsiders. You know how creative types tend to only see the flaws in their own work? Well, when I look at this, the thing that leaps out at me is how many damn panels I made you cram into this page. I wish I had given you more room to play. You have borne up under this pressure admirably. The page, despite having too many panels, looks really good.

That first panel is beautiful. I dread putting word balloons over it. I like that it has stopped raining, but the streets are still wet and shiny. Very noir. I also like the way that the panels start to tilt out of control and Hourglass loses control. Very nice.

One thing... In the brilliantly effective insert panel in panel 5, the guy looks like he is in front of the car door. This makes it look like he got out of the wheel-well rather than the driver's seat.

-josh

Yeah-lemme fix that-and i forgot to add shiny road in last panel.

-kav

Page 23. Now here's the cheese-cake shot of her bending over... but you managed to still keep it classy. Panel 3... You never want to say this about someone... but there is something wrong with her butt and her legs. Her proportions seem off.  Panel 4... As we have not yet actually seen her with the drugs in her hand, this panel might be better spent as a close-up on her hand actually tucking baggies into a pocket. Similarly, as it is not completely clear what she is doing in panel 6, maybe panel 7 should be looking down over her shoulder at the powder in her hand.

-josh

Yes I can't believe I let that lame butt pass scrutiny-amazing-also, there's no need for a butt at all the cape should be flowing down-truly lame panel.  and you mean panel 6 right? panel 7 is the dealer dude-yes I struggled with these pages-now I wish i hadn't followed the script but went with the essence of the scene-I had all the same concerns you voiced.  I'll fix it.  Here's the fixed:

-kav

Page 24. Panel 1 needs to be more of a shock. The previous page has her thinking about this stuff, and even the dealer looking up at her in that last panel, wondering what she is up to. So, this first panel is the pay-off of that question in the reader's mind. So she has to go for it. She is making a spur-of the moment decision to try cocaine, and to kill a man. She is not being careful.  She's trying to shove it all up there before she changes her mind, and before Kinetic returns.  It should be savage... almost comical. As it is, the first three panels go curiosity/ecstasy/exhaustion. That doesn't feel right. Try it like this instead savagery/ecstasy/exhaustion. See how much better that feels?

I am kind of thinking that it will work better to switch panels 5 and 6. I would really like to end the conversation, and the issue, with that close shot of Hourglass saying "I think I'm good." and then cutting to the man she just killed.

Great kick off for a new story arc!

-Josh

I dont think we can switch panels 5/6-panel 5 she is talking to the dealer so switching wont make sense dude.  If you mean panels 7 and 8-it does make sense to switch them. I'm doing so.  My bad on not following the script carefully but I was running out of room-there was just no room for kinetic, HG, dead dude, a ditch and a car in panel 6.

-kav