Here are Rapid City pages 16 - 20-Kav
Nice page. They look very natural and relaxed. In panel 2, though, Sidekick's paunch looks a little odd. He looks almost unhealthy. He should be thick, like a wrestler. Maybe think someone like Bam-Bam Bigelow http://www.wrestling18.com/wwe/bam-bam-bigelow-pictures/ You know what it is, in panel 2, his gut seems to continue getting bigger even below his belt-line. Usually, in the case of "a few extra pounds", The belly recedes at the belt-line to accommodate the groin.
Also, his hair is missing in the last panel and shaded out in the first one. This should be an identifying characteristic for him, so include it as often as is reasonable. It wouldn't hurt to make it a little bit longer either. And since we are talking about designing Sidekick, he should also be as lovable as possible. He is the warm heart of Rapid City. Everyone likes him because he genuinely cares about the people he meets... I mention this because the hatching, eye-shading, and short hair in panel 5 make him look (just slightly) like a homicidal clown with a hangover (just ever-so slightly) -Josh
i remember you urged me to make sidekick look heavier so that's why the paunch. will fix hair and belly. thick, not saggy. i get it. want me to remove homicidal clown eye shadow?
Really nice. I was thinking that this kind of shift is where we should use an establishing shot, but then I see that you have essentially worked that in at the bottom of the page. Not the traditional placement for one of those, but you very effectively set the scene. Nice. -Josh
yes for pages like this an establishing shot is critical-if one is not scripted I will fit one in. PS its now nightime on these pages and will be in DB today.
I was afraid that panel 1 would be hard to draw, you pulled it off. Very nice. Panel 5 is just great. Kinetic looks like such a doofus back there. Very nice. yeah he thought he was gonna be a big hero and he's uneccessaary-this has happened to me.
Ok, here it is. The big moment. Panel 6. I love Kinetic's reaction. The pic is sexy... but maybe TOO sexy. Not too sexy for our precious reader's delicate eyes, I mean too carefully, professionally, sexy. It looks like it was posed by a photographer. (what lucky person IS holding that camera?) This picture is the result of Anne Marie trying to temp Kinetic back home to her. It should seem more playful.
webcam? ok i fix -kav
The matching lingerie is strange and unlikely, and fishnets like that are Hourglass's style but not Anne Marie's.
my thinking here was AM wants to be like HG she borrowed a pair of her fishnets
As it is, this looks more like something that was found on the web rather than snapped in a moment of playful taunting. This pic needs to show that it is clearly Anne Marie, that the person with her is clearly a superhero, and that they are being playfully sexual. So, this is how you achieve all of that in one image. Anne Marie, with her shirt off, is behind Hourglass who is fully clothed. This shows that there IS nudity going on without actually revealing anything. Anne Marie is reaching forward over Hourglass's shoulder to snap the picture. She is raising an eyebrow at the camera like "How about it, sailor?", while Hourglass is turning back toward her with amused surprise. They are probably both a little tipsy. -Josh
-yeah i get it now- a closeup-this is one of those panels that stresses me out-i spent a lot of time looking for a pic-i know i'm not going to be able to find the scene you described so i will have to do something a bit different-mostly showing their heads
Kinetic's reaction here is priceless. I love it. I also love that he can't stop looking at the picture.
One other thing, I just re-read these script pages and I realize I left out a detail. It should be darkening as these scenes go on, turning night. I hope that this will not be TOO drastic a change for you to make. As it was my omission that caused it, I will be happy to pay you for it if it turns out to be a page-worth of work.
All in all, very nice work here.
no josh its night slowly lightening. ps in that review http://www.spandexless.com/2012/05/the-grey-area-rapid-city-an-unclear-exercise/ he compared me to Mike Alred! thats pretty awesome! dynamic is what i strive for. PS stressing a bit-I am penciling 5 RC pages, 5 CM pages and doing revisions. Gonna be busy today.
OK, now let's talk about pages 6-10. Here the are.
Page 6. I love the crazy angle and poses in panel 2. I also love the interesting buildings in panel 1. Rapid City is really starting tio take on its own look. The other thing that stands out on this page is that these guys really look like two buddies hanging out.
Page 7. I already told you how much I enjoy those first two panels. They look great. I like how this scene turned out. A pointless argument, a pointless fight, and a pointless intervention. Nice. The panel with the fist looks good. But I worry that, with the blast around it, it will look too much like Kinetic is doing the punching.
Page 8. Another great page. Love the plane showing the passage of time! Is that a call back to our conversation about what is in the sky? The one change that I might suggest from all five of these pages is in the last panel. The caption for that panel is quite dark and sad, yet his posture looks just as fun as when he was hanging out with Monkey. Maybe a higher angle would make him seem more powerless.
It WAS a call from that conversation. What if I add a frown? so it seems like he's trying to leap away from his problems? I'll redraw the panel if ya want. But a higher angle will withdraw the character from the reader...remember low angles pull you into the character high push you out.
High angle is just a thought. I love the idea of him seeming to leap away from his problems. I feel like the answer is in his posture.
Page 9. This whole page is breath-taking. You show so much with her body language. I love that first panel.
Page 10.Looking back at my script, I can see that you played around with the panels here a little bit. Good. I am embarrassed to have crammed so many panels onto this page, but you really made it work. Same with the previous page. Really good stuff. -Josh
Oh I did some fast thinking to make everything fit Josh. Last panel I didn't have enough room to show her answering phone and a clear smile so i broke it up-it almost seems like her time power puts her in 2 places at once. I especially like the eyes panel 8-very hard to draw an iris. Her eyes look wet and glistening i think. I really feel I know these characters now and how they need to be depicted.
Yeah. Those eyes look amazing.